We are currently in the realm of matter, or material form. There appears to be a universe of appealing choices that present themselves to us, whether they have to do with sexuality, career, entertainment, foods, clothing, and so on, but these are all choices pertaining to the material experience. Accepting any of these choices further captivates us in the material sojourn, and deepens the material hold on us. If we are fortunate, there will eventually be a frustration, an awareness that none of it is giving us real and everlasting pleasure, but there is little educational facility available that offers us information about the spiritual reality and gives us a practical way to choose that path.

I am pro-choice, not in the way that modern society uses the term. I am pro-choice in the sense that there needs to also be access to the information that frees us from the entrapment of this material world and its seductions, by the application of which we enter the joyful practices that offer us the road to the eternal realm of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the Reservoir of All Pleasure. Those are the two options we have, to align our free will either with the mundane, or with the spiritual. We cannot make a real choice without knowing the options that we have, and the ramifications of our decisions. The scientific literatures that offer the spiritual wisdom that enables us to make a truly informed choice are the books of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda.

A revelation is not a planned event.

Every living being has free will. If the Lord forced, there would be no question of love. Love means that there is free will.

It is a time for prayer. The world situation is precarious, but if it induces us to pray, to reconnect with God, to acknowledge our dependence on Him, then it is the greatest blessing.

When we accept our smallness, not out of false humility, but with the strength of the realization of our position in the Creation, only then can the Lord do big things through us.

We did the usual tourist things- Staten Island Ferry, Empire State Building, and the dreary, cold Circle Line boat tour around the island of Manhattan through the oily, dark waters.

We visited the East Village in our matching, mid-calf length, torn at the seams, sealskin coats that we had found in a used clothing store in the Cornell University college town. We walked the cold streets of downtown Manhattan and visited various “head shops,” craft stores, and art galleries. We looked like we fit right in with the Greenwich Village scene, my room-mate with her black derby and me with a pale green, wide-brimmed felt hat I had painted with pink flowers. In the cold, windy, almost desolate wilds of Washington Square Park, a drug dealer approached us very aggressively. We took off running, with him at our heels for some distance, into the nearest subway station. We were pretty shook up. I no longer felt like a “powerful” New Yorker.

Connie and I were good friends because we knew there was something beyond material acquisition, frustration, and the power struggles in which people engage as they navigate life. We were searching for absolute truths, something tangible that would feed the soul. We visited churches and temples of various denominations, asked questions, and shared our frustrations with what we regarded as “shallow” answers, avoidances, and excuses. Even though Connie was sincerely on a quest, when I had one of the most serious revelations of my life during that week, she was not able to acknowledge the intimacy of it or even feel comfortable with my experience.

I had been raised Jewish in a mixed social and religious sense, and was able to lead the congregation, at age ten, through the entire Friday night and Saturday morning Sabbath services in Hebrew, without looking at the book. It welled in my heart (and still does) when everyone in the Synagogue rose to their feet and sang in unison, “Shema yisrael adonai eloheinu adonai echad.” (Oh hear, Oh Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.) It sent shivers through my entire physical body and awareness. Yet, I had a deep attraction for Jesus, and could not understand it when my parents could not tolerate me speaking his name in our house.

I purchased tickets for Connie and me to attend “JC Superstar,” a very popular off-Broadway musical presentation about Jesus Christ. The actors in their private lives, of course, did not live the principles they so expertly portrayed. I sat absorbed in the performance, oblivious to the thousand or so people who surrounded us in the playhouse. I was able to completely set aside any discomfort that the actors were simply playing roles and embrace the beautiful rendition. Their voices resounded through the hall powerfully, the costuming was perfect, and my heart melted into the experience of the life of Jesus. Near the end of the performance, as the crucifixion becomes imminent and Jesus sang, “Dear Lord, forgive them, they understand not what they do,” I broke into uncontrollable sobs. In that vast theater, many eyes were on me. Some people showed compassion, others, like the older woman seated in front of me, turned and glared with a hardened visage. I could not stop crying. Between the wracking tears, I tried to tell Connie, “I got it. My life is meant to understand what it is that Jesus understood and the others could not. That is my life’s goal.” She looked at me coldly and vacantly. “How audacious,” was her comment. I reeled for weeks at the power of the revelation I had experienced. Aside from a couple of brief contacts with Connie after her visit with me, it was the last we saw each other.

In practical daily experience with you, if I were to simply “hang out” in your aura, the energetic emanation from your material form, appreciating the subtle nature of it, bathing in it, and neglecting the person behind it, I’d be missing out on the real relationship with you: the hugs, the interactions, the fun and intriguing times together. Similarly, if we think that the perfection of spiritual growth is to hang out in the light rays emanating from the body of Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, we are missing out on the topmost of all relationships, our unique, personal, most pleasing and perfect interaction with the Godhead who is the source of the brilliant emanation and everything else in existence.

Examples of these questions might be-

What is the purpose of life?

Where do I go when I die?

Some people are born pretty, some ugly, some diseased or poverty stricken, some healthy or into a wealthy situation, what is the reason behind this?

How did I get his body? I got a female body, you got a male body, my dog a dog body, yet we are all persons. What is the reason?

I am suffering, no matter what I try to do. Why?

There are so many opinions, what is the Supreme opinion?

Only a human being can inquire about the Supreme Absolute Truth, and only a human being is equipped to hear philosophical truths. Animals eat, sleep, mate, and defend, and if humans only do the same with their more advanced embodiments, simply embellishing the animal propensities, it is the greatest waste. Human life is meant for the development of spiritual life.

My first marriage was not well thought out, and we proved to be incompatible very quickly. We never trusted each other enough to really get to know one another. It didn’t end pleasantly. I raised our twin sons mostly by myself from the time they were 2 ½ years old, and he was deprived of his fatherhood. He made himself impossible to locate after we separated.

After we parted, I become very attached to a certain prayer I had read. It was written 5000 years before by the great Queen Kunti of Mahabharata fame. She addressed the Lord-

“….As the Ganges forever flows into the sea without hindrance, let my attraction be constantly drawn unto You, without being diverted to anyone else.”

I repeated it incessantly for many years, then forgot about it.
My second marriage came about many years later, when my sons were 12. B was younger than I, and of a completely different cultural upbringing. We were working together, and neither of us had a desire for it to be more than that. There was a lot of social pressure, though, as we were in an orthodox environment, and we gave in and went to the courthouse…..

The marriage did not last long. It was a cheap, simple divorce, since neither of us owned anything. Oh, the drama. But, we had to dance the dance. It was ordained.

There was no desire to make it “three strikes and you’re out.” But…

I was drawn to P for many years, even though I had never met him. I often noticed his name on bulk mailings I sent out for various fund-raising projects in which I was involved, and wondered who he was. I had thus thought about him many times for about eight years until we finally met.

In 1994, I went back to college to catch up on some recent neuro-anatomy and neuro-physiology research. However, my health was not holding up, and I left the University and went to live with some friends in Mississippi, who gave me their youngest daughter’s room. I stayed with them and helped as I could with their family herb business. We cooked together, we processed herbs together, we served their many guests together, and we got to know each other well.

P came through for a visit. He was driving a truck professionally. When we were introduced, I was surprised to see that this was the man whose name had gotten my attention for so long, and I found him attractive. I was very relieved to find out that he was married.

P visited on a regular basis, and once, he asked me for a Naturopathic consultation. He was stressed. He mentioned that he recently had a trucking accident in which two drivers from a competing company purposely ran him off the road into an overpass column. He lost part of a thumb in the crash. He no longer had a job, was financially strained, and his wife wanted a divorce.

When I had some time for myself, I made a mental list of why a relationship with him would not work.

Soon afterwards, P also lost his home, and our friends took him in, too. The man of the house ended up on the living room couch, P had his room, and I was still living in the youngest daughter’s room, surrounded by unopened packing boxes from my move.

I saved some money and purchased an old mobile home, surrounded by pear and persimmon trees on a simple lot, and moved in. My friends needed their space back, and I needed mine. P got a driving job with a local art company and moved into the herb shop.
Occasionally, he would come visit me with his juicer and a variety of fresh vegetables, and we would share juice and long, philosophical conversations. He never spoke of anything personal, and never made eye contact. When I asked him why he was coming over, he said that he had extra vegetables and no one else liked the fresh juice. He was confusing to me, although I really liked being with him. We would often sit in his truck and converse, mostly on spiritual topics. I was sure that he wanted to be with me.

Once, I asked him to come for lunch. I prepared several of his favorite dishes. As we relished the special meal and had light conversation, I asked him if he had any idea why I invited him. He looked at me very puzzled, and guessed, “Well, your son was going to visit and he didn’t, so you had extra groceries?” He was clueless, and I was bewildered at his logical, emotionless response. I let him know straightforwardly that I needed to know how he viewed our friendship. He was genuinely surprised. “Shocked” might have been a better word. He had no idea that his behavior had been giving certain messages. We talked for ten hours.

It was another year before he was open to marriage. However, he wanted me to agree that after 20 years of wedded life I would let him go have his freedom. I told him I was fully open to however the Lord’s plan evolved. He was satisfied. We traveled to North Carolina for the marriage ceremony because we had good friends there. As soon as the wedding photos were developed, I saw the body language. In all the photographs, I was leaning towards P and he was leaning away. I was way more attached to him than he was to me. We moved to Florida for a few months, and then settled in North Carolina.

We did professional presentations and taught workshops together, traveled, gardened, explored raw foods, and spent a lot of time in nature. He encouraged me in my career, and introduced me to powerful opportunities for healing and self-transformation that I would never have accepted or gone out of my way to experience on my own. In meditation, I saw him as a launching pad and me as a rocket.

His unusual social behavior was puzzling to me, and still, I loved him dearly. I was often busy with clients and could not do nice things for him as much as I wanted. I desired to be able to show my love and my appreciation for what he was offering me. I was especially experiencing this euphoric mood one beautiful June afternoon in 2003 as I did some local shopping. I never forgot just what I purchased that day. It was the day I picked up my Jeep at the repair place after the driver’s side window had fallen into the deep abyss of the door and refused to come out. It was the day I went into a K-mart and purchased a couple of cases of wide-mouth quart canning jars, two stainless steel mixing bowls, and a salad spinner. It was the day I returned home just in time to get the call from the man with whom P was staying in eastern Virginia and at whose place he was teaching a healing workshop.

“Karen, P is having some strange numbness in his left arm and leg. He’s dizzy and can’t stand up. Do you have any idea what is going on?”

“Richard, get me a pulse. Just count out the beats for me.” It was extremely erratic. I gave some quick instructions how to get the vital signs stabilized, and in a few moments, the pulse was almost regular. Richard had an arsenal of supplements on hand, and after making sure P could swallow, I had him administer some things to prevent brain swelling and regulate the circulation. The numbness was not improving. “OK, now call 911 and get an ambulance. He’s had a stroke.” I packed up a friend’s car and had him drive me five hours to the Virginia coast. P’s car was already there, and he would not be driving it any time soon.

Richard allowed me to use his house as a base as long as was required, and my days were spent in the hospital, supporting P with every natural health skill that I knew, interacting with the medical personnel on his behalf, and dealing with the financial arrangements. I prepared all his meals. The doctors and physical therapists never expected that P would walk again, yet he was out of the wheelchair, for good, in just five weeks.

When we finally returned home, three months later, I was exhausted to the core. On top of everything, P had decided to end our marriage of less than four years and be with a nurse he had met. His reasoning was that she earned more and could support a disabled husband better. It took months for him to leave my home, and I struggled with a shattered heart, a practice that had to be completely rebuilt, and the “other” woman calling constantly. Many times, I thought I would not survive it.

I’d missed every symptom of Asperger’s Syndrome, even though it had been in my face for years. The autism was finally diagnosed when he applied for disability benefits.
After he moved out, and I had some time to recover, I sat down in meditation to process the whole experience. I needed the wisdom and clarity that only the Lord in the Heart can give. As I entered a place of prayer and serenity, with the clear intention of understanding Krishna’s plan for me, that lovely verse rose again in my heart after many long years.

Tvayi me ‘nanya-vishayaa
Matir madhu-pate ‘sakrt
Ratim udvahatad addha
Gangevaugham udanvati

“O Lord of Madhu, as the Ganges forever flows into the sea without hindrance, let my attraction be constantly drawn unto You, without being diverted to anyone else.”
-Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.8.42

It came in with such a loving power that I nearly fell over backwards. It was not in a mood of, “Hey girl, watch what you pray for,” but in the deep mood of the Lord’s love. He was personally fulfilling my desire to have Him as my only Beloved. I spontaneously laughed in profound understanding and joy. It was a loving reciprocation that simultaneously came from my heart and also entered deeply within it. It was my Lord Krishna letting me know that what He wanted to give me more than anything was Himself. I was spinning in spiritual ecstasy, not knowing how much more I could handle, and then another message was given.

I was shown a silver platter, and on that platter were three marriages. It was what I have chosen to call a “karmic platter.” It could not have been refused. It was what I had to accept in this life on my journey back to God. There was no choice. I became clear about my walk and the walk of others, and how much judgment had been passed on my part and on the part of others as to what other people’s lives looked like or should have looked like. I was asked to give up all judgment and just witness Krishna interact in His unique, loving, perfect, and personal way with all His children.

Still stunned from all that was being shown, I was then asked by the Lord in the Heart to put no more energy into a one-on-one relationship. That was done, forever. Then, He asked me to accept the whole world as my family.

Furthermore, I was told that I was to accept this third and final marriage as the means to come free of all anger, fear, and resentment. I was not to carry any negative emotions towards either P or the lady with whom he had chosen to share his life. I was asked to use this opportunity to come completely clean in spirit, to never again blame anyone for any of my life’s experiences, past, present, or future.

The meditation was now complete. I was exhilarated, exhausted, and felt like my internal wiring had short-circuited and was being put together according to a different diagram. I needed to be by myself for several days after that to integrate the experience and allow the profoundness of what was shown to me to settle in.

There have been several speculations by modern Bible scholars as to what Jesus meant when he expressed this, but all their hypotheses relate to mundane, worldly dealings that were not the concerns of the Son of God. Jesus himself was only concerned with the transmission of the knowledge that would benefit humankind, and indeed all living entities, on the transcendental level of the soul’s journey back to the Kingdom of God.

There are the dealings of this world, and there is the science of how to exit it. By Jesus’ own admission, the entire science that he knew, and desired to present, could not be given at that time, as the populace was not ready to embrace it. The translations of the following verse, John:13, are hard to understand as they are presented. “When (the Spirit of Truth) comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority…” For better understanding, the preferential translations is, “When the Embodiment of Truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority.”

The true representative of God does not speak on his own authority. He speaks on the authority of God. I have sat very deeply with this in prayer and meditation. I have concluded, without a doubt, that the books of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda contain the precious, spiritual wisdom that Jesus was not able to give to either his disciples or to the masses at that time. Various Bible scholars have also noted that many of the teachings of Jesus were lost within a century of his passing, due to poor translations, omissions, or purposeful misrepresentation. In a similar way, it is essential to keep the original teachings of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda alive by studying the book editions and other materials that he wrote and approved before his passing in November of 1977.

I have observed much frustration, even among sincere Christians, as to how to make sense of the crazy things that are going on in this world. The Bible gives a wealth of information, and by its own verses, admits that it is a preliminary study that paves the way for greater insights that at the time could not be revealed. I humbly ask that that the sincere souls who have taken inspiration from the life and teachings of Jesus explore the works of A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda in order to gain this greater understanding. These books will not present anything that challenges the teachings of Jesus or present anything contrary. They will simply build upon the foundation that was laid by various spiritual predecessors, including Jesus Christ himself.